Came here from Osas’ snap. I don’t think it gets easier in adulthood, but I believe it can get intentional.
While we are learning ourselves and trying to make it through each day, week, month in this our version of the Wild Wild West—thanks to crazy politicians—I think we realize how important it is to have a support system, and so while we acknowledge the “loss” of old friendships, the reality that our surviving friendships are getting strained, and how hard it is to make new ones, we also get more conscious about the people we choose and let choose us.
I made a decision not to force things anymore after it became clear that I did the heavy lifting of reaching out 90% of the time and barely got the same energy back. I chose to water only the things and people that water me. So my friends now are barely a handful, but we have a system that works despite the craziness of being a young adult in Nigeria figuring their present and future out. 💜
Omg, how do I like this comment a hundred times?! I love this as it really balances the piece in itself. So yeah, it doesn't get easier with adulthood but it can be intentional. I'll hold on to that. Thank youu.
Hi, Damdam. I think you answered the question (topic) in some way. Whilst I was still in school, I used to pride myself in being an available, hands on, ever present (na God get this accolade) friend. If you ever needed me, just give me a call or text me.
However, my reality post graduation has tested me. I have gone weeks without speaking to my friends because capitalism wants to choke me. I was thinking maybe I'm a bad friend, after all. Iean what kind of friend does not speak to theur friends in a week?
I'm slowly learning that the seasons of life determine the way I relate with my friends. I think “easier” is relative for us as young adults. But I will do better. I enjoyed reading this so much because I'm such a friendship girl.
This makes a lot of sense. On my part, I've given up on the matter of friendship. I just go with the flow. I don't try to do oversabi if person no send me. Just being my person. But I love this post because it touches something that's important to us as adults.
This conversation needs to be broadcasted every week from the rooftops, because the way life be lifing??? Ridiculous! Life can be so hard, you're right, but that choice we make to water our relationships makes it all bearable.
Yessss, the reelatioshipssss and streaks are so good; they make me laugh and make me know that you're thinking of me and want to include me in your day. I love them soo much.
Realll. We just have to keep emphasizing it. Life has a way of dealing with you especially if you're in your 20s. It's crazy. Some days you just want to disappear. But we have to hold on to the friendship that keep us going.
I'm glad you can resonate with this. Thank you for sharing.
Because it takes a lot of work to build friendship and relationship, consistency, understanding, consideration , love, patience, and trust , seeing things from different point of view and perspective because at the end of the day, we all have things we’re going through. We all have a lot going on and sometimes people drift away and isolate And some people swipe to the next person. It’s a lot. I’m gonna talk about this too.
I have this growing belief that romantic relationships are easier to navigate than friendships—true, genuine friendships. I used to struggle with the idea of friends growing apart, in fact, the first time it happened to me, it eventually led me to depression. It wasn’t until I got into the university that I fully understood how proximity and availability shapes friendships, it was also in the university that I made peace with ‘friends growing apart’
Honestly, I still grapple with a lot of friendship dynamics but for what it’s worth, it pushes me to do better and show up for my friends in any way I possibly can. I find it truly fascinating how people who were once strangers become intertwined in each other’s lives.
It’s indeed a huge part of life’s beauty—friendship.
How do I like this 22 million times? Friendship is indeed a huge part of life's beauty. And a really important extension of our existence. . Knowing that as the friends come, they can also go too, is an aspect of friendship you have to deal with. While friendship doesn't get easier with adulthood, it requires intentionality to work.
I really appreciate this beautiful piece Fam🌚.... I'm very big on friendship but limited when there are bad occurrences, i draw back a lil bit hoping to give some space to that friend to get their shits up back together until about 3-4 years back when I found myself in a not pleasant situation where I almost was losing my mind, but my friend's tuened up for me big time and that was when i knew friendship shouldn't be only when thing's are normal or sweet but even when thing's are bad and worse.
I resonate with this piece cause I'm one who finds it difficult to keep up with friendship or make one at all, seeing something you've been going through being put out by someone makes me feel seen! I would say I'm putting in extra effort to keep up with the small circle I have cause truly, I just wan dey half of the time 😂. Thank you for putting this out Damdam, I enjoyed reading this. I know I still have the energy to keep my friends, not giving up yet😮💨
For the longest time i'd convinced myself friendships weren't for me until i got to the university and met my tribe of like minded people so i can relate to everything in here.
Came here from Osas’ snap. I don’t think it gets easier in adulthood, but I believe it can get intentional.
While we are learning ourselves and trying to make it through each day, week, month in this our version of the Wild Wild West—thanks to crazy politicians—I think we realize how important it is to have a support system, and so while we acknowledge the “loss” of old friendships, the reality that our surviving friendships are getting strained, and how hard it is to make new ones, we also get more conscious about the people we choose and let choose us.
I made a decision not to force things anymore after it became clear that I did the heavy lifting of reaching out 90% of the time and barely got the same energy back. I chose to water only the things and people that water me. So my friends now are barely a handful, but we have a system that works despite the craziness of being a young adult in Nigeria figuring their present and future out. 💜
Omg, how do I like this comment a hundred times?! I love this as it really balances the piece in itself. So yeah, it doesn't get easier with adulthood but it can be intentional. I'll hold on to that. Thank youu.
And.. welcome here.😁
My pleasure 💜
Hi, Damdam. I think you answered the question (topic) in some way. Whilst I was still in school, I used to pride myself in being an available, hands on, ever present (na God get this accolade) friend. If you ever needed me, just give me a call or text me.
However, my reality post graduation has tested me. I have gone weeks without speaking to my friends because capitalism wants to choke me. I was thinking maybe I'm a bad friend, after all. Iean what kind of friend does not speak to theur friends in a week?
I'm slowly learning that the seasons of life determine the way I relate with my friends. I think “easier” is relative for us as young adults. But I will do better. I enjoyed reading this so much because I'm such a friendship girl.
This is really beautiful and thoughtful. I'm a friendship bobo too, and I feel you. I'm glad you enjoyed reading this. Thank you.
So real! I wrote about this in my last post:
https://open.substack.com/pub/musingswithdes/p/how-are-you-my-friend?r=15qqqu&utm_medium=ios
Life used to be much simpler and friendships felt easier. It’s all about intentionality in adult friendships!
Indeed. No longer about proximity but intentionality.
Can I screenshot the whole thing?? Every single thing resonated with me. You captured this thing called friendship perfectly. Nicely done!!
Thank you very much. I'm glad it did.
This makes a lot of sense. On my part, I've given up on the matter of friendship. I just go with the flow. I don't try to do oversabi if person no send me. Just being my person. But I love this post because it touches something that's important to us as adults.
It's really does matter to us as adults (sometimes I forget how "adultish" I am)
I feel you, my friend. Stay true to your own.
This conversation needs to be broadcasted every week from the rooftops, because the way life be lifing??? Ridiculous! Life can be so hard, you're right, but that choice we make to water our relationships makes it all bearable.
Yessss, the reelatioshipssss and streaks are so good; they make me laugh and make me know that you're thinking of me and want to include me in your day. I love them soo much.
Realll. We just have to keep emphasizing it. Life has a way of dealing with you especially if you're in your 20s. It's crazy. Some days you just want to disappear. But we have to hold on to the friendship that keep us going.
I'm glad you can resonate with this. Thank you for sharing.
Not really
Thank you for agreeing with me.
Because it takes a lot of work to build friendship and relationship, consistency, understanding, consideration , love, patience, and trust , seeing things from different point of view and perspective because at the end of the day, we all have things we’re going through. We all have a lot going on and sometimes people drift away and isolate And some people swipe to the next person. It’s a lot. I’m gonna talk about this too.
Everything you said is so true. It's really not easy considering how adulthood can be. Thank you for sharing.
I have this growing belief that romantic relationships are easier to navigate than friendships—true, genuine friendships. I used to struggle with the idea of friends growing apart, in fact, the first time it happened to me, it eventually led me to depression. It wasn’t until I got into the university that I fully understood how proximity and availability shapes friendships, it was also in the university that I made peace with ‘friends growing apart’
Honestly, I still grapple with a lot of friendship dynamics but for what it’s worth, it pushes me to do better and show up for my friends in any way I possibly can. I find it truly fascinating how people who were once strangers become intertwined in each other’s lives.
It’s indeed a huge part of life’s beauty—friendship.
How do I like this 22 million times? Friendship is indeed a huge part of life's beauty. And a really important extension of our existence. . Knowing that as the friends come, they can also go too, is an aspect of friendship you have to deal with. While friendship doesn't get easier with adulthood, it requires intentionality to work.
I really appreciate this beautiful piece Fam🌚.... I'm very big on friendship but limited when there are bad occurrences, i draw back a lil bit hoping to give some space to that friend to get their shits up back together until about 3-4 years back when I found myself in a not pleasant situation where I almost was losing my mind, but my friend's tuened up for me big time and that was when i knew friendship shouldn't be only when thing's are normal or sweet but even when thing's are bad and worse.
This is really interesting to know. Thank you for sharing. Having good friends will help even on those bad days.
I resonate with this piece cause I'm one who finds it difficult to keep up with friendship or make one at all, seeing something you've been going through being put out by someone makes me feel seen! I would say I'm putting in extra effort to keep up with the small circle I have cause truly, I just wan dey half of the time 😂. Thank you for putting this out Damdam, I enjoyed reading this. I know I still have the energy to keep my friends, not giving up yet😮💨
Omg. I'm glad this resonated with you. Please don't give up yet. Friendship is one of the most important things that keeps us going.
Thank you for reading.
For the longest time i'd convinced myself friendships weren't for me until i got to the university and met my tribe of like minded people so i can relate to everything in here.
Masterpiece of a writing
Thank you very much.
We all deserve a tribe of our own.
I enjoyed this
Well done
Thank you so much