You're Just My Friend, I Don't Know You.

Let's talk about vulnerability in friendship.

Wagwan guys!

It's your homeboy, Damdam. Some call me The Creator of Magic. The content chef. Some baddies say I'm a fine Yoruba man with a touch of wickedness but I'm just a son of God doing the Lord's work. Are they lying? I can't deny it. Anyways, I'm just a pencil in the hands of The Creator. And this is…you already know.

Wagwan With Damdam.

And today's newsletter is talking about friendship. Again? Oh yes! 

Well…you remember when I talked about vulnerability as a business owner? (Check here if you haven't) So, a big fan of my newsletter and my self-acclaimed younger sister, Odunayo thought that I should talk about vulnerability, with the notion that it's more relatable to her. And if you know me well, you'll realize that I'm pretty big on friendship. As much as I have been enjoying my single phase, (before you'll think I'm tired 😒) of it, I'd still pick friendships over a relationship. Don't ask me why. Besides, a great philosopher once said "Love is for those that have finished." 

So, relationship people can get their bumbum out of here.

I digress. 

Back to where I was. This is probably a discussion that you might want to pay attention to…

I feel like friendship makes up an integral part of our lives. And it can be pretty tough trying to navigate it. The more you grow, the more you realize how simple yet complicated it can be. Or let me say, we make it to be.

So I'll be talking about vulnerability in friendship. You see, in my course of navigating friendship and discussing, I've realized that people tend not to be vulnerable with their friends. You are probably one of those people who think vulnerability is a weakness. And you're not wrong. 

But hear me out, what's wrong with being vulnerable with your friend(s)? Are you afraid of showing your weaknesses? If they're truly your friend, why do you still feel the need to shy away from vulnerability? 

I don't know about you but I think vulnerability is beautiful if it's with the right person or people. And if it's not one-sided. 

First off, I don't fancy the idea of having a best friend. I mean having one person as a bestie for your entire life or a couple of years. (Btw, this is not for you having an opposite gender bestie that is not your partner). I believe in the concept of having a couple of friends and having closer friends at different levels, from different places. That's just the way I see it.

So having to be vulnerable with just one person who is supposed to be your bestie can seem like a lot. But if you claim they are your bestie, why do you still withhold certain things, info, or hide certain things from them? Is your friendship just on a surface level or you're just afraid of being vulnerable?

Even though I think one hard truth about friendship is that your friends may not consider you as their friends. 

I still think a lot of us have got it wrong with friendships that we enter into the wrong ones, and while we're giving it our all, the other person is giving their half.

Have you ever found out that your friend was having an event, and you weren't invited? Or they Japa'd without you knowing? Or it was something you considered significant but they still think it was important to tell you. How did it feel? Must have been hard. It's crazy, because you guys probably have shared a lot of "secrets", bonds, and commitment, yet they still didn't think they could trust you enough with such.

Then you realize…

The saying,

"You're just my friend, I don't know you"

Is valid.

I think this is one of the hardest things from this friendship ting.

When we were younger, friendship was so simple, but it seemed like it became complex the moment we entered adulthood.

You probably think I have a solution to this, but I don't. As I have had someone withhold certain things from me that I felt I should have known. I did struggle with understanding why. But I realized that some people are good at secluding, and would rather face their battles alone. And when it's all good, they'll come back. The truth is they still see vulnerability as weakness. And they don't want to appear weak and helpless. IMO, it's cowardice if you can't communicate your situation to your so-called bestie or friend. But hey, it's just my thought.

Or perhaps you can enlighten me…

Now, to be clear, I believe we have friends for different seasons, reasons, and purposes. I never realized this until I grew up. I've had peeps that we were so close but not anymore. And when I tried to rekindle the relationship, but it was one-sided, it didn't work out. We never fought or quarreled. Life just happened. Then I realized that they were just for a season. And this is not to say that we go into friendship to feed off someone. But these days, friendships are now intentional (I do miss childhood friendships), so you should be able to tell the purpose.

Personally, I can vent to all my friends. I know my friends, and I know the level we're at and the kind of person that they are. I vent to each person differently and in different manners. Hence, one of the reasons one bestie isn't my ting.

But my point is, if you can't be vulnerable with that friend, you claim to have, what's the point? 

Okay, maybe you do have the ones you do with it. Or you are concerned about their response.

Not me trying to look at it from the other lens.🧐

But if you can't be vulnerable with at least one person, I think it's bad. Abi na Alpha mail or femail you dey do?

Perhaps, it's best not to overestimate ourselves in people's lives. Someone might tell you their deepest secrets and still withhold certain things from you. 

Sad innit?

Anyway, I believe vulnerability is beautiful if it's not one-sided. It may be seen as a weakness but friendship is having to see through each other's weaknesses, relating with it, and helping each other out. Think about it. You are not perfect, so stop trying too hard to appear perfect, always.

But hey, what do I know? Las las, you're just friends with them, you don't really know them.

I'mma stop here and let you resonate on this. And let me know what you think. Have you been that friend who wasn't considered as close as you were to them? Or you are the one who is having it hard with being vulnerable? Write back to me. Comment in the section, and let me hear your thoughts. 

I'mma leaving you with this song by this Australian-based indie artiste someone shared with me, So My Darling by Rachel Chinouriri

Btw, how has it been so far for you, and what have you been up to? Write back to me, homeboys and girlies!

Love and Magic,

Damdam.

P.S.: I probably have two newsletters or less left for the year. Thank you for riding with me.

PS.S.: How's detty December looking from your ends? And Mary will soon give birth o. Are you excited or you just wan dey your dey?