Navigating Friendship In 2023 (II): based on assumption.

International friendship day edition.

Wagwan guys!

It's your favourite writer, creator of magic, magic boy. Santorini boy. Your homeboy, Tems boyfriend, Korty's side boo. Big Dam, Biggest Dam!

And if you're new here, this is Wagwan With Damdam.(feel my intro, I know right😅)

But wagwan really? How was July for you? Tell me about it in the comment section.

For me ehn... "if I start to talk, the things wey my eye see, we no go wait." But tbh, looking at it, I survived the month that looked like I wouldn't. And that's a W for me.

Also, I found out that me and her are just friends after all, nothing more(a story that you might never hear).

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It's past 5am and I just had to write to you even though I had been stalling. I actually wanted to write this particular episode for some time but for some reason or the other…

I'm glad we're having this conversation anyway. Although this is just my personal thoughts and experience, it could be the same for you. You may not have to agree but at least be aware. But take your time to read this and you'll find a lot of sense in it.

Credit: Hypesquad

So this episode is about friendship.

It birthed from a conversation I had with one of my guys at his place, around December or so. We grew up together, attending the same church. We used to see each other a lot until school and adulthood didn't give us the luxury anymore. So most times, we see ourselves during festive seasons. We were in his kitchen, cooking, and in a particular conversation, he mentioned how he  was in a very "dark place" at the time. Life was lifeing him,  he went ghost mode but the other friend of ours kept trying to stay in touch. He insinuated that I hadn't done so for him. And I defended myself by asking if he thought I wasn't going through a similar or worse situation.

Now, I'm not trying to justify myself not being there for my friends. But I feel lotta times, we judge friendships based on assumptions rather than reality. 

The fact that I have to keep showing up to my audience on WhatsApp or other social media doesn't mean I'm not going through shit. I've had bad days that my friends don't know. But I could keep posting like I'm having the best time of my life. Meanwhile, it's a mess(my life is not a mess IJN🙏🏿😂) and I'm trying to figure out my shit. You might say I'm strong, perhaps that's why. But I tell you, that thing you think you're going through, someone else has gone through worse but the fact that they don't show it by ghosting or wailing on social media, doesn't mean life isn't lifeing them.

I once had a conversation with another of my guys, and he hammered on how his friends didn't turn up for him at a time. While I understood that his friends were at fault, I also tried to ask if he really found out what happened. He could have asked them, or confronted them rather than conclude. Sadly, he didn't.

I don't know about you but I become satisfied with the truth, and it makes me see things differently when I know what really happened, rather than deciding what's not.

You see, if you really want to navigate friendship, you'll have to do a lot of asking, rather than concluding and judging. I know you want to trust your instincts or guts but sometimes, your instincts aren't always right. 

Precious, why not get your facts right before jumping flying into conclusion?

One of the things I'm learning everyday is to see things from the other person's perspectives. I learnt this for a long time and I'm still learning it. We come from different backgrounds and we see things differently, which makes conflict inevitable. And that's how I try to tackle life.

Perhaps, the reason why you and them are not on good terms is because you didn't see things from their own perspective. Or you didn't find out what really happened. Before you conclude that they weren't there for you, did you find out what state they were in that made them not turn up? 

You know the one that irks me? 

It's the "you just forgot about me" people. These days when someone tells me this, I just tell them I forgot myself too. So, yeah, I forgot about you. Besides, it's because you remembered today that's why you texted. Okay, let's get back to the main discussion.

So yeah, try not to judge your friends based on assumptions in your head. Lotta times, I've made this mistake, then when I find out it's not what it is, I'd feel bad.

Now this is not an excuse for bad behavior or something. I'm not using it to defend friends who are leeches. No. As much as I'm big on friendship, I believe in reciprocating the same energy and cutting off people who don't.

But at the same, it'll do you good, if you get your facts right rather than assuming.

We're all facing adulthood and you should extend grace to your friends.

Credit: Virtuousi

Let me stop here. I'm sure you get the whole point. Let me know what you think.

And shout-out to all my shawties and homeboys for holding it down for me. Shout-out to the women in my life, I love you so much.❤️

To you my homie, thank you for being a reader.

Even though it's belated, happy international friendship day. Cheers to many years of our romance.🥂

Btw, August promises to be interesting here. Expect series of content.

See you in my next newsletter. Don't forget to comment and post your favorite part, and tag me on socials(@dammyshittu_).

Love and Magic,

Damdam.

P.S: they said it's girlfriend's day. I love you all my exes!

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