“I'm A ‘Failed Creative Experiment’”

Perhaps we all are victims of failures…. Not you saying God forbid.

I know, I know. It's been due. I've been struggling to write to you. Not because I didn't know what to write. I have just been battling my demons(God forbid I have demons) of self-doubt and impostor syndrome. Not exactly with this form of writing or this space. But my work as a creative. And as such, it has diffused to other parts of myself. Perhaps, it's my whole life being that way.

Yet, I couldn't resist writing back to you and telling you Wagwan With Damdam. I mean, who better to relate my feelin's to you than you, my homie. Especially when I know you'll be able to relate. I know misery loves company, but how else can friends be vulnerable with each other without having to share bugging issues. And my mind wouldn't let me rest if I didn't show up regardless of what I was going through. So here I am, sneaking back into your lives as if I never left. Plus, they have said that we who own newsletters should own up to our p.

I'll change my ways. please, please don't drag me.

That being said…

Wagwan, homeboys and girlies!

Before I digress, let's talk.

You know, as a seemingly confident person that I am(I actually am confident), and as much as people see me talk about myself or what I do, I doubt my work a lot. So much that it affects my flow and output as a creative. You might never catch me belittling myself or downgrading my work but even this hype man is also a doubting Thomas.

Yes, yes, I talked about it in my previous letters. But I'm still dealing with it. This is not to say there are not days I'm not being my cheerleader, but I'm learning that these doubts, imposter syndrome, fear, whatever, isn't something I'll avoid once and for all. Can't run away from it. I just have to deal with it. 

Because…

And you know something I've learned from my self-awareness, is that my doubting of my work comes from trying to create with the intention of making masterpieces. Most times, I don't feel my piece until it's completely done. By that time, I can now deem it fit to be a masterpiece. But when I feel it's not a masterpiece from the start, I refuse to create. I mean I want to, but I have doubted it before it's even created. So it impedes my creativity and flow.

But don't blame me too much.

Perhaps, I'm just scared to fail. Scared of seeing my product as a failed ‘experiment’. Perhaps I'm a failed creative experiment.

But isn't failing how we succeed?

Playing Falling Up by Adekunle Gold ft Pharrell Williams and Nile Rodgers

I don't think there's any being who didn't fail before becoming the best at something. Nobody. The best of scientists, inventors, artists, musicians, writers, athletes, actors, or whatever. All failed at one point. Heck, Thomas Edison had to try so many times before getting it right.

So why not just say, “Nahh fuck it. I'm doing this shit” and actually ✓

(Get that reference? Don't leave me 🤓)

And I get it. It's scary. Sounds easier than saying. But Blessing Abeng wrote back to me and said “I think what makes a true artist are all the works that never become masterpieces, because those are the true tests of your grit, your consistency, your failures, etc. So don't write with the intention of making a masterpiece. Write because you can or because you should.  Write because you want to get better and expand your range.

No one has it figured out, and failure is really how we succeed.”

Even Ladipo had to say it.

So while we're victims of failure at certain points in our lives, it doesn't ultimately make us failures.

And if we fall, it's to fall forward. To be falling up.

I'm still learning this each and every day. But if it means facing my fears and my fails head-on, I'll own it. 

And I know part of this issue came with my comparisons of myself and people. But there's the good side to it too. 'cause if people out there are doing their ting irrespective of the mistakes, fears, and fails, what's stopping me?

So I'm taking the challenge to be falling up. (That's why I made a ‘pact’ with one of my guys, Boma, to put out content. By the end of the month, we'll both drop our different types of content. Stay tuned, guys.)

'cause, in the end, the Ws and Ls will be memoirs of our greatness. 

That being said, how have you been? What have you been up to? Hard guy, hard guy, but I have missed you. So write back to me, will you? I can't lie, it feels therapeutic talking to you.

Till I write to you,

Love and Magic

Damdam

PS: Adulthood is still a ghetto. Pepper is now gold. Chineke God.