Chapter 26

It's my birthday. But omo happy birthday to us because it's our birthday.

Between deciding exactly when to show up here and what to say, it's been somewhat harder. But let's pretend that I haven't been away for three months. Yeah? Good. Let's continue.

For the early part of this year, I dreaded turning a new age. I don't know, but there's just something about becoming old and feeling like you're behind time. I had felt similar in the past, but this time, it felt really bad, and I sank into an existential crisis.

Somehow, I had discovered that the phase I had entered into by virtue of my age — financially, career-wise, or whatever-wise — was one that younger people (friends) around me were also in. And that somewhat rented an apartment in my head.

I just realised that I was surrounded by people younger than me, and they were doing relatively well. While it's a good thing that I naturally gravitated towards them, it somehow made me feel like whatever I needed to achieve was still a long way off, and I didn't know how I could get there on time.

And at some point, I didn't even know how to dream anymore. I mean, I had dreams, still have them lofty. But while that pushes me to be focused on the grind, I sometimes forget that I have innate desires and childlike dreams.

Some pictures never get old.

It feels like all my life I have been fighting to survive and dream. From the days when my cousin and I hawked charcoal for miles after getting back from school, to working factory jobs fresh out of secondary school. While they were “adventures” in those moments, but in retrospect, it felt like life kept showing me how much I had to fight hard to be handed what most didn't need to.

And I'm grateful for how far I've come and seen how good life can also get. But the devil has a way of trying to steal your joy, you know. So I wasn't gonna let the bastard win. Hallelujah somebody?!

(Can't make this a sad tale of struggles, please.)

So somehow I started to accept that there was almost no point in trying to figure out the whole of my life in a day, week, month, or a year. I saw a video somewhere where the person asked who knew what Jesus was doing at 25? No answer because nobody knew. So why am I tying a deadline or age to destiny?

And gradually, I am starting to let go. And it's not to say I'm totally over it. But I have also had to unravel that maybe an existential crisis happens because of the pedestal we've set for ourselves. And that perhaps it's just the future us nudging present us of the multiple possibilities of the greatness to come.

So in this chapter 26, I want to live in the present. I choose to live in the moment, surrounded by friends and family cheering me on each mile of the journey. Not to say I wouldn't struggle with my fears and distractions, but I want to indulge in the moment and do things for the plot. Because after all, my story had been written by someone bigger than me.

I don't know where I'm headed, but I would love to see how this chapter unfolds. 25 followed a series of unpleasant incidents, which almost gave me PTSD. But look who's still here? Single pringle (but at least I'm not owing palmpay), financially trying-to-be-stable (fuck Tinubu), but getting my shit together because as my friend Vicky once said: “main character no dey die.” And I'm gradually building my career at the intersection of culture, media, and marketing — shameless plugin.

So in this chapter, I really want to let Jesus take the wheel and watch the plot unfold, while I pursue the things I desire. I recently started a music business program — for the plot. Cost my savings, but hey, let's see what the future holds. I want to go out more and not wait for opportunities to find me. I don't want to fight capitalism so badly that I forget to choose myself and my dreams. I want to enjoy what life has to offer. I want to travel and see the world out there (today, I deserve to be at the beach with my legs crossed, but serving my fatherland is a higher priority). And most importantly, grow with the people that matter.

I know it's just a chapter in this best-selling novel. But there's going to be mad motion from this boy from Ikorodu. And the world will soon catch up to his greatness.

Hey, Goodness Damilola Shittu, you've managed to stay tough, fueling happiness around people, keeping hopes up while it feels like you don't know what you're doing. But like a lover once told you, “There's no need to worry about growing older, you're like a fine wine that gets better with age.”

I'm so proud of you and where you're headed. I pray you never lose your wonder.

Happiest birthday, Damilola. Welcome to your best year yet!

Love and Magic,

Damdam

PS: Omo, happy birthday to us. This one's for all of us. Please say a word of prayer, and feel free to hit me up on WhatsApp.